Five Rules for Library Sales People

 

I was at the desk the other day and the phone rang. It was a sales person, which I knew immediately when he said, “Priscilla, how are you?” like we were best buds and he was just calling to catch up on old times. The problem is that most of my best buds bark, they don’t talk.  And the ones that do talk know I don’t do the charmy-smarmy best buds routine. So, the question was kind of a dead giveaway.

I was trying to help a patron and to tell a staff member something, all the time this guy on the phone is talking fast and trying to sell me something. So, I said “No, sorry, I don’t have any money in the budget for that.” Unfortunately, I didn’t slam the phone down. So, he kept talking, but I was looking for a book, and checking something on the computer and not really listening, until he said – “so I’ll just send that along then for your approval, okay? It’s just $300.00”

“No,” I rather screamed at that point. “Did you hear what I said? I said no. Don’t send me anything.” He kept talking, but I just said, “Sorry, I’m busy,” and hung up.

Now, I don’t care whether someone is selling pencils or radio ads, there are five simple rules for sales people to abide by if they don’t want to irritate the librarian.  And really, if you want to sell me something, not annoying me is a good place to start.

No. 1 – don’t fail to identify yourself and just start chitchatting like we are best friends. I know you think you’ve caught me off guard and I’m so busy trying to figure out who you are that I won’t hang up on you. But here’s what you don’t know. I’m a curmudgeon and no matter how forgetful I maybe, I have very few friends. So, I will remember what they sound like and I will know you aren’t one of them.
 
No. 2 – don’t ask me “how I am?” I know you don’t really care how I am. I may not be able to detect all the things a dog can smell, but I recognize insincerity even through the phone line. And I’m not really interested in telling anyone how I am. Unless I’m annoyed and then I don’t have to tell anyone. They know. You should too. Assume I’m annoyed and then you don’t have to ask how I am.

No. 3 – don’t keep talking after I’ve said no.
 
No. 4 –repeating yourself, saying things in a new and different way, saying them faster, all still constitute talking and therefore, when done after I’ve said no, violate rule number 3. Your talking more won’t change reality and it won’t change my mind. Trying to wear me down won’t endear you to me. It will however put you on my bad list. And being on the librarian’s bad list is like being on Santa’s bad list. You will be there for a long time.

No. 5 – flattery won’t save you. Telling me what a great customer I am and how you value my business, will either kick in rule number 2 (i.e. it will stink of insincerity) or if I’ve already said no, it will kick in rule number 3. Which means you are now talking insincerely after I said no and will definitely be getting moldy books for Christmas.

Sales people should learn the five rules for calling the librarian. It won’t actually help make any sales, but it might help me be a kinder, gentler person. And didn’t you say you really wanted to help me, after all?